My Social Skills

I've been thinking about my friend's example recently, and here's what I've learned: every social event is an opportunity to learn and grow. This friend taught me that there's a lot more available than what you see.

First, a quote: "If all you know is what you see with your natural eyes and hear with your natural ears, then you will not know very much." - Boyd K. Packer

And another one: “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.” - Henry B. Eyring

So, since we know that there's a lot going on, and that people don't always show or tell exactly what they're feeling, then there is an opportunity to serve. If you're just aware and observant, you can read people's body language or their energy and respond appropriately. You can help someone without them asking for it.

I experienced this somewhat recently. I tried to keep these tips in mind. I went to an activity and the first part had concluded, and everyone was going into another room for the activity. I said hi to a girl I knew, and she told me of a recent struggle she had. I didn't prompt her to tell me about it, and I don't know how many people she had told, but I tried to listen with love to what she was saying and try not to interrupt or take her situation and compare it to mine. At the end, she thanked me for listening to her, and t felt good to have been available for her at that time.

I think the hindrance to observing people and responding accordingly is self-absorption. It can happen even in a conversation with someone--turning the subject back to you, not really hearing the feeling behind their words, not truly listening, interrupting, thinking about other things you have to do rather than listening to them.

This is a major shift in my previous thinking. Instead of waiting to be acted upon, now I see it as I am being given opportunities to act, to observe, to take the initiative, to get outside my comfort zone, to put someone else's needs above my own. I got the thought the other day, "Instead of expecting to receive, give." That takes effort to keep in mind, but it's necessary to adopt if I'm going to become more like Christ.

I thought about my life goals the other day. My first thought was that I wanted to learn how to give everything to the Lord: my heart, soul, will, desires, talents, wisdom, abilities, everything. There's a great quote about that from C.S. Lewis:

The Christian way is different: harder, and easier. Christ says “Give me all. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want you. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don’t want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked—the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.”

But then I thought of the scripture in first Corinthians: 

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

So, my foremost desire should be to love, to love God with all my heart, might, mind and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. I recently watched the 1982 film, Ghandi. He lived by an absolute truth that one person is not higher than another and that we are all brothers and sisters. It made me reflect on my tendency to act in accordance with the environment that I am in. I tend to take cues from others on how to treat the people around them. I want to live by absolute truth. I want to cultivate love for all. 

If I have love for others, I will focus on their needs and listen with love. I will be mindful of the souls around me who need my help, and I will have love enough for God that He can whisper to me the promptings I need to act accordingly.