Left at the crossroads, standing on a precipice

Did I think it would be different? Did I think I would know the answer just because I stand in a certain spot and a certain day has come? The big question on my mind is: Where will I live? I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to feel limited. I want to make the correct decision, but what I learned from a talk with the Lord is that whatever decision I make will be right for me. If I do not want to progress as much right now, I will make a decision that will slow it down. If I am focused on a certain goal and will do anything to achieve it, I can listen really hard to the Lord, take sufficient time to ponder, and make a calculated decision that will be more in line with what He has for me. They are just decisions, and I get more blessings the better the decisions I make. 

I realize now why I didn't get married before: I wasn't ready. I desired it, I prayed for it, I worked toward it, but it wasn't the right timing, and that's because of me. I am more maturely looking for and have prepared myself for this high commitment. I believe this is the right time, but I will focus more on advancing myself personally, for if I decide where to live based solely on good husband prospects, I might not put myself first to make sure I am still developing independently and putting into practice the important lessons I have learned in the past few months. If I am living my dream, other things will fall into place, but if I put something before my highest priority right now, perhaps my steps will be misguided. 

So, what is my priority? It takes leaning toward a decision and then listening. It also requires putting together the pieces I have learned along the way. I have been reminded of many things I need to develop, but I cannot do them all at once. I heard something important recently: “Depend on the Lord, enjoy every opportunity, and delight in the life you have” (Kristen M. Oaks). I am also trying to take every opportunity to develop myself and try to listen to the Lord through other people or seemingly coincidental happenings. Today in church, a guy said by name the place where he worked. I looked it up, talked with him, and will contact them to see if my manual-writing skills can be put to good use. One of my sister's lessons to our 6 year old twin cousins when we were visiting them in Idaho was "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," and I am trying to recognize all the gifts the Lord has blessed me with.

I know I will visit my cousin in Omaha. I know I will get my stuff soon from an out of state storage unit. I know I need to be involved in a young single adult church congregation and live next to a temple. I don't know where that will be. Perhaps the Lord has given me enough clues to have me figure it out for myself and make my own plans, instead of Him telling them to me. The answer came in church today: Just keep close to the Lord in everything you do, and you will know where to go, whether He says it directly or indirectly. So, time for a spiritual overhaul, complete with prayer, scripture study, fasting, and patience. 

Stay tuned for major life decisions happening.